


Enough Owls

by stellarstella



Series: Bad Decisions, Late At Night [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, Hogwarts Era, I Was Drunk When I Wrote This, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Sibling Incest, What Have I Done, absolute crack, owl poop, seriously I have no idea what just happened
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-13
Updated: 2014-07-13
Packaged: 2018-02-08 15:58:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1947255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stellarstella/pseuds/stellarstella
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry walks into the Great Hall to find a mess. But that is just the beginning...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Enough Owls

**Author's Note:**

> It's 3 AM, it's Potterhead Weekend on ABC Family, I indulged myself on chocolate pie, and there were copious amounts of wine involved, so what I'm basically trying to say is please forgive me.

Harry walked into the Great Hall to see owl poop all over the tables.

“What the hell?” he muttered, swiping a finger through one of the sticky, white splatters on the Gryffindor table.  It was strange… it was much to early for the post to have come, and yet there was not a single owl in sight.  What had happened the night before?

“‘Arry?”

Harry spun around to see a disheveled Hagrid stumbling through the doors.  “Hagrid, what-” he stopped.  Hagrid was covered, head to toe, in the same owl poop that now decorated the Great Hall.  “Hagrid, what is going on?”

“Ah, this, ‘Arry?”  Hagrid grunted in discomfort.  “This, well-”

“Oh my god.”  Draco Malfoy swaggered into the hall, flanked, as usual, by Crabbe and Goyle.  “What have you done this time, _Potter_?” he spat, crossing his arms across his chest.  “My father will hear of this, now that you’ve gone and splattered owl poop all over... _my plate_!” he ended with a screech, running over to the Slytherin table and staring in disbelief at one of the place settings, a lone tear sliding down his face.  A huge dollop of the poop had landed exactly in the middle of the normally-gleaming golden plate. 

Malfoy hurriedly brushed the wetness off his cheek and jerked his head up, eyes ablaze with rage.  “You _will_ pay for this, Potter!” he snarled, pale cheeks a luscious shade of pink.  He whipped his wand out of his sleeve and strode purposefully toward Harry, who quickly pulled out his own wand and held it high.  

“You really want to go against me, Malfoy?” he asked, heart fluttering with nerves… and something else his adolescent mind couldn’t place.  All he could think of was the way Malfoy’s blonde hair shone in the candlelight that illuminated the Great Hall and the glinting of his sapphire eyes, that were… much to close.  Harry blinked.  Malfoy’s face was inches from his own, their wands pointed haphazardly upward.  Harry let his hand drop to his side; Malfoy’s gaze followed the movement, eyes gazing hungrily at the exposed flesh of Harry’s wrist.  

“Er-” Harry broke the tense silence.  Malfoy’s eyes immediately darted back up and stared into Harry’s emerald pair guiltily.  Minutes ticked by as their eyes bored into each other’s; the guilt in Malfoy’s was soon replaced by something else, something Harry could not quite make out.  It was not the normal hate that lurked in them, no.  It was something more, something Harry had never seen in anyone’s eyes before.  Was it- could it be-

“AGAGHAGH” A roar split the air.  A huge shadow loomed over Harry and Malfoy, who looked up in horror.  

“Ey, there ye are. Grawpy!” Hagrid shouted, his beetle black eyes crinkling as his face burst into a smile.  “I didn’ think ye were comin’ back!”

“HAGGER!” Grawp bellowed, waving his trunk-like arms spastically through the air.  “GRAWP WANT MORE!” 

Hagrid shook his finger, suddenly stern.  “No, Grawpy, wha’ did I tell ye.  We can’ do any more till ye clean up yer mess.”  He spread his arms, gesturing to the whole Great Hall.  

Harry and Malfoy looked at each other, confused.  “Hagrid,” Harry said tentatively, “how did Grawp make this mess?”  Hagrid turned to face him, looking bemused.  “It’s just-” Harry hurried on, looking to Malfoy for encouragement and receiving a nod in return.  “I mean, it’s only owl poop, right?”

Hagrid stared at him for a few long seconds, then threw his bearded head back and laughed. “Tha’s- Tha’s not owl poop, ‘arry!” he guffawed, wiping tears of mirth out of the corners of his eyes.  “It’s semen!”

Harry and Malfoy’s mouths simultaneously dropped open in wordless screams. Hagrid calmed, confusedly looking between the two of them.  “Oh, come on then, it’s no’ _tha’_ bad, Grawp and me were jus’ havin’ a bi’ o’ fun, right’?” Malfoy backed up slowly, shaking his head in disbelief and disgust.  “We didn’ do nothin’ wrong, jus‘ some good ol‘ fashioned wanking.”   Malfoy grabbed Harry’s hand and ran.  They darted between Grawp’s grabbing hands and sprinted into the entrance hall and up the staircase, not stopping until they were several floors up.  

Harry collapsed against the wall, panting, staring up at Malfoy’s flushed face.  Malfoy, breathing just as hard, looked back at him. They both dissolved into breathless laughter.  “Oh god,” Malfoy gasped, blonde hair falling over his forehead as he doubled up, “as much as my father should hear about that I don’t think I’d ever be able to tell him.”

Harry snorted, clutching at his abs as he laughed.  Malfoy fell to the floor next to him, and suddenly they were nose to nose.  The laughter stopped immediately.  

Malfoy’s breaths were hot against Harry’s cheeks, his lips - _no, don’t look at his lips, don’t look-_ oh god, was it possible that Malfoy’s eyes had darted, ever so slightly, down to look at his, Harry’s, own lips? Harry gulped, his heart pounding, as Malfoy leaned in.  They both met eyes, questioning.

_Is this okay?_

_Is this right?_

_It feels right._

_Oh god._

Harry slowly wrapped his hand around Malfoy’s neck and pressed their foreheads together.  

Malfoy licked his lips.  “My father _definitely_ won’t be hearing about this.”

Harry giggled, nudging his head forward to fill the space between them, just enough so that his lips brushed against Malfoy’s.  Malfoy gasped, wrapping his hands around Harry’s waist, deepening the kiss into something more, something magnificent, something-

“GRAWP MAKE SEMEN!” The roar sounded beneath them.  Harry and Malfoy broke apart, looking through the railing in horror.  They locked glances, and jumped up and ran.

**Author's Note:**

> Don't drink, kids.


End file.
